Today, June 7, is the anniversary that my Mom, Aida, died. That day in 1993 was the absolute worst day of my life. I became a Christian when I was 21, January of 2002.
The days between my mom’s death and my decision the follow Christ are just a blur. Not only for myself but for family, friends, anybody whom I interacted with. There was so much anger, confusion, and tears.
I cry as I write this but not out of anger anymore. I’m sad that Carter won’t know who Grandma Aida is. I’m said that my Dad is so hurt, still. I’m sad that I won’t get to eat her food anymore. She was a phenomenal cook!
My best friend called me this morning and I was really hoping she wouldn’t. Her mom has battled breast cancer many times. Brain surgery. She knows that she’s going to lose her mom someday but I still pray that God doesn’t take Roxy away from her. She knows she’ll see her mom in heaven one day. But in our fleshly bodies, it hurts when death happens.
I was mommy’s little girl. With a little bit of whining, I could get anything I wanted. One day, I wanted to be “cool.” I begged my mom to let me be “cool” with the “cool” kids by eating cafeteria lunch. She said my dad wouldn’t approve. I begged. She caved. For 2 weeks, she snuck me money every morning for lunch. That was cool.
One thing I know is that time heals. God has given me time and He has healed my heart. He put a woman in my life, who I connected with on a thousand levels once we said “hello.” Her name is Tracy. (so is my best friend. don’t be confused.) Carter, one day, will call her Grandma. She calls me her daughter. It’s been 5 years since she’s been in my life. It’s been 5 years of intense healing & understanding. When I think of the abundance of gifts God’s given me, Tracy is at the top.
I know something else. God is comforting. I’ll never know why he took Mom Aida from us. I might not know what His bigger purpose for her life was. But my faith will never waiver. I will always trust in His will for me.
Something else I remember about my mom was that she loved God. She had a deep love for Him in her heart. I read this verse today, “train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6) In other words, raise your children to know God & they will always come back to God. It’s so fitting for today.
Today, I’m spending the day with Tracy. It wasn’t planned when we said, we need to hang out on Monday. God knew what my heart needs.
When you do lose a loved one, your view on everything changes. You find a new normal. It’ll always be different. I don’t have time for piddly little nuances anymore. It’s all just a waste of time. I just care to be with those who I love and love me back. That’s where I invest my time. That’s what my heart is all about. I laugh, alot, now.
I’m so thankful God gave me a relatioship with my mom’s family again. It’s been amazing.
I’m so thankful for the 12 years I had with my mom. She was a beautiful woman, inside & out. Sometimes I do wish she fought cancer harder, but God knows best and I trust in Him. Every year on June 7, I reflect and am a little somber. But today, I’m going to celebrate her life. I don’t know how yet. Maybe by cooking.